Dancing around to PJ and Duncan's 'Lets get ready to rumble'

Rejection.

Hello rejection, I’ve been turned down for another internal position yet again.

I love the company I currently work for. They are one of these well-known, we stand for the employee, we’re all in this together, much lauded, ‘big society’ kind of organisations, but I am repeated frustrated by my lack of progression. Obviously who am I to question the logic of head office personnel? For all I know I am up against Oxbridge Candidates with D.Phil.’s in advanced ‘Merchandise administrating’ or a D.Litt. in ‘Image coordinating’ or maybe a straight-up Bachelors in pen pushing. In this day and age, chances are, I probably am!  Although I am mystified when, as an experienced internal candidate for an internal position where my ‘core skill sets’ and ‘key competencies’ fit the prospective role perfectly,  time and time again I don’t even get short-listed for an interview.

Currently I am on maternity leave and I know if I go back to the role I previously did I am going to loathe it. The remits and functions that were of vague interest to me previously have been ‘centralised’ while I've been away, in other words, taken away to a far off land. Now I will probably be dragged away from the mainly desk based role I’d squeezed myself into and onto a till. Hell. No.

That is why I have started applying for new roles within the company where I believe my skill set is more appropriately matched. I have ‘multi-channel FMCG reverse logistics’ on my CV for Christ sake, them be fancy words. FANCY WORDS!!! Yet I can’t seem to get a job paying more than a pound and a few pence above minimum wage internally and I really want to stay with this particular organisation. But after doing my budgeting for next year I've realised it will just not be economically viable for my family for me to still be earning at this level once the Child tax credit changes come into effect from April. We will not break even on our childcare costs. I will effectively be paying to go to work. Financially we will be better off from me not being economically productive until all my children are in full-time education, which just seems bonkers and regressive to me. Call me insane, but I also think it’s important for mothers (or fathers if they are the primary carer) of young children to retain an aspect of financial independence. RADICAL I know. So it’s a case of trying to find a position that is more financially realistic for my needs (I’m only talking £20k here, I'm not aiming for untold riches!) or maybe it’s time to cut my losses and move on once my maternity leave is up.

This isn’t a moan; this isn’t a rage against the employment market as it is just the economic reality for many people at the moment. It is what it is and I should be grateful to have a job to at least go back to, and I really am. Instead of bitching and whining about my ‘mummy job’ and situation to all but my nearest and dearest (thank you nearest and dearest), I’ve decided to take the proverbial bull by the horns and do something proactive as I will eventually need to earn more money, to y’know, feed and clothe my family and stuff.  Now that the all-consuming newborn stage is over my thoughts are turning to just what the hell am I supposed to do professionally for the rest of my life to make, not only enough financially to afford an acceptable standard of living for myself and my family, but god forbid, try to find some form of employment fulfilling and worthwhile? It would be nice.

So here’s the deal:

I’m well known for settling myself ridiculous tasks. Such as: Let’s learn Mandarin from scratch as part of my degree whilst supporting myself with a 20 hour job and look after my two year old son. That’s realistic! (After three years of intensive Mandarin training, I am functional like, can say ‘hello,’ or order you a pizza, functional. Not sort out your acquisitions and mergers with the office in Beijing kind of functional).

Or:

Let’s move to Hong Kong for a year so I can carry on with this Chinese degree insanity and, by the way, the two year old is now a five year old oh and there’s a four month old in the mix too AND darling husband will have to give up his job so goodbye income and savings while you traipse off to Uni for 12 hour days 5 days a week. Completely sane, rational and do-able, but I did it.

If there’s a hard and difficult path, slap bang next to a neat one, with hedgerows and a fluffy baby bunny to pet as you’re ambling along its boarders, you can guarantee I’m going to make a beeline for the one that requires some heavy duty mountain gear and steel toe-capped boots.   

So here’s my challenge: I want to ‘re-skill’.  I want to become more useful. I’ve always been a bit wary of ending up pigeonholed by my own lack of technicality. I’m in awe of people who can do truly useful things like repair their own washing machine or debug a datagrid. Being practically equipped to actually create or fix something, instead of a CV full of ‘soft skills’ appears to be the way forward.

The big plan:

Develop a sellable App, from scratch, by myself in 6 months and market it successfully – piece of cake? Yeeeeeah.

Smartphone and tablet applications have revolutionised our everyday interactions and I think I want in dammit. I love Apps. Full on love them. I’m probably messing around with a new one every single day and I’m an avid consumer of all things App related. Why not try and get involved creating something I’m passionate about?   

This isn't so much an attempt to make myself OH MY GOD amazingly rich like those developer stories you hear. Less ‘I want to become an iPhone App millionaaaaaaaaire!’, more ‘I’d like to make an App, see if I can hack it, buy my kids new school shoes as that would be quite nice thanks, and maybe a box of chocolates, but Hotel chocolat ones, not Thorntons’. I’m being realistic in my expectations as this is as very genuine skill I’d like to acquire, not just as a credible potential self-employment line for the future, but also it’s a matter of fulfilment. I need to engage my brain for things other than small boy herding and facebooking now and again, and the sheer joy of learning a new computer based skill might just be fun right. Right?!   

The logistics:

I have just under 5 months until I return to work (if I can return). I have three small boys under 8 to herd. I start up my degree for the final push in May.

So to sum up, what do I know about Apps?: Back end functions of? Not a lot. Did I mention I love Apps? They do useful things.

Have I done any research into what Apps could be marketable?: Hahahaha. No.

 Do I have any programming knowledge? See ‘Hahahaha’ in the previous answer. In my favour I know very, very basic HTML and CSS.  Not that I think it will remotely help, but at least I know how to switch a computer on. It’s a massive step in the right direction.

 Do I have the time to develop a sellable App with three small boys to herd/ degree finishing/ working: Probably not, but we’ll see how I go. Did I mention I like to set ridiculous tasks for myself?

That’s it for today. For the time being I’m off to start developing a passing acquaintance with C++, I hear it could be useful.

Tomorrow I’ll start actually looking into this properly and I might cry a little when I realise the enormity of what I’m putting myself through.

BIGGEST ISSUE:

I have no Mac to create it on. Apparently to create a legit Apple App you need a Mac. Ah. Flaw.

1^st mission: Acquire cheap as I possibly can, piece of crap, old Mac to do the job. Preferably either or mini or a netbook. It needs to be portable. I have to multi-task it in odd locations. I have a baby to breastfeed in awkward positions on the sofa after all.